Maybe you were an independent or even rebellious type, who wasn't persuaded to toe the line by those "be good" admonishments, or even by the fear of having your neighbors think badly of you. If so, then I applaud you and this blog is probably not for you. But I'm guessing that there are many, many of you out there, the natural-born people-pleasers, like me, who bought into every word and let those oft-repeated, parent-tape messages sink deep into our psyches, sending us on a never-ending quest to be liked and approved of by others - even, and maybe especially, by strangers.
Despite the many years and accompanying wealth of experience and competence we have behind us, and the certain knowledge and understanding that it is not a necessity or a requirement to be pleasing to others or approved of by them, in our heart or hearts (the tiny crevice deep inside our chests where reason isn't admitted) that is still exactly what we seek. Which begs the question - Why am I still, along with those of you out there like me, always aiming to please?
So, the primary purpose of this blog will be to examine and critique some of what I believe to be the contributing factors in my life-long drive to please, and my continued quest for the approval of others. Maybe by writing my thoughts and theories down here, I will be able to rid myself of this deep need to please, and to simply be - me. And I hope that some of you out there, who share my quest, will take this journey with me.
Wow... Those words struck a chord. What will the neighbors think? Mind your manners, be good. It was drilled into our little heads. I even went to "Charm School" As you can see it didn't work. I spent my life pleasing people. But as I have gotten older I have become less people pleasing and more about saying what I think. . I am not sure when it happened but I think it came as I met a more diverse group of people and learned about their lives that I came to the realization that we are all human beings who deserve respect. Yes I get angry and say things I shouldn't, as everyone does from time to time. But that is what makes us unique. The difference is. . Friends who differ from me in most aspects: politically, religious, cultural, lifestyle and still be great friends. Those who cannot accept me for who I am. . I don't need in my life and I let go. That is what has been most beneficial. Some people you just don't need in your life
ReplyDeleteNow for family, who you can't really get rid of, I just do not discuss certain things. But you never lose you. Did any of that make sense?
Yes, it absolutely makes sense. I, too, have tried to cut loose those toxic people whose negative attitude and constant criticism make it difficult, if not impossible, to please. Of course, I tried and tried to please them prior to cutting them loose! But that's just me, unfortunately - always putting way too much emotional energy into relationships - even those that are doomed to failure.
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DeleteI guess I was one of those independent sorts. My mom tried all those admonishments - yes including what would the neighbors think! But I didn't particularly like the neighbors :) Now that I am grown, I'd like to say that I don't need the approval of others, but I would be lying. You see I am a novelist and if I didn't care, then no one would buy my books!
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Good point, Lou! I'm trying to get to the point where I don't need the approval of others - plus I'm trying to be a writer, too. Unsuccessful at both so far!
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